Teach politicians charity

Published: May 1, 2009 - 19:06 Updated: July 1, 2015 - 14:49


I don't know about you, but I always used to fume and fret when vapid Miss India contestants shamelessly bandied around Mother Teresa's name, hoping that it would get them closer to the coveted crown. Come on, have you ever seen them volunteering at her homes after they win? However, ever since UP Chief Minister, Mayawati, likened herself to Mother Teresa in her colourful slanging match with Maneka Gandhi (better known as Varun 'Hate Speech' Gandhi's mother these days), I've been positively foaming at the mouth. Sinners comparing themselves to saints - what cheek! Anyway, that got me thinking about how we can use Mother Teresa's guiding principles to make India a better country.
Let's start with India's most popular sport these days - shoe flinging. I was most disturbed when I saw the footage of Dainik Jagran correspondent Jarnail Singh flinging his shoe at Home Minister, P Chidambaram. Particularly, when the camera zoomed in on the shoe - it was such an attractive black and white sports shoe and I have spent sleepless nights wondering if Singh got it back. I mean, what is he going to do with the other one that stayed on his foot? Hang it outside his front door to ward off evil? What a waste of a nice pair! And, consider this: was the Congress party doing a merciful Mother Teresa act by pardoning him? Ha ha! They cannily did just the opposite by preventing him from becoming a martyr. However, they would have risen considerably in my esteem if they had confiscated his other shoe and given the pair to charity. A lovely heart-warming ending to that unseemly childish outburst, and the start of a new philanthropic 'Throw More Shoes' campaign. We'd get our emotional release and the underprivileged would get some basic necessities.

 On to the next act of charity: Would you believe that of late, I've developed overpowering maternal feelings for a man I previously wouldn't consider touching with a zillion-foot sterilised barge pole? Heck, I've started wishing that I was Gujarat Chief Minister, Narendra Modi's mother. That would have given me the liberty of slapping him and making him stand in the corner for his insensitive remark about old women being a waste of space. Shame on him, yet again. Now, if only he would stop pretending to develop Gujarat and concentrate on developing good values instead! I've got a great punishment for him: make him serve at Mother Teresa's Kalighat home for the destitute and dying for a year at the very least. He may have company there soon - a very, very, very senior and senile BJP party leader may wind up there, too, if/ when he loses the elections! While I doubt that the arrogant Modi will be reformed at the end of his stint, at least it will keep him out of our hair for a while. Whew!

And, here's something charitable that all of us can do for those politicians who cannot speak English and haven't the faintest clue how to use computers or even idiot-proof mechanised farm equipment (gasp)! Yes, I'm talking about the Samajwadi Party's esteemed leader Mulayam Singh Yadav. Just because he has a gigantic chip on his shoulder about his inabilities (listed above), his party's shocking manifesto promises to take India backwards. How about all of us volunteering our services to that Samajwadi Party lot? You can rest assured that educating them will be great fun - hey, we'd get the opportunity to rap them on their knuckles every now and then - I've been yearning to do that to Yadav's oily buddy Amar Singh for years! And, perhaps, we could knock some sense into wild Bollywood star-turned-earnest Samajwadi Party General Secretary, Sanjay Dutt's thick head, too, while we're about it? On second thoughts, I don't think that's possible. That chap never learns his lessons. Even Mother Teresa, bless her, wouldn't have be able to perform miracles on that one.

Finally, I ask Sonia Gandhi's screechy 'foreign origin' baiters to consider this famous Mother Teresa quote: "By blood and origin I am Albanian. My citizenship is Indian. I am a Catholic nun. As to my calling, I belong to the whole world." Sorry, can't write another word - I'm rolling on the floor with mirth!

This story is from print issue of HardNews