India’s most special political party

The most important thing we learnt in 2015 is that the BJP is very, very special. It’s so special that rules that apply to other parties do not apply to it at all. This party is a gift from the gods (only Hindu gods, mind you) and anyone who thinks otherwise will be banished to Pakistan. The Ministry of External Affairs will do all the irritating paperwork, I assume, and we’ll get a grand send-off – shoes will be hurled at us which is a good thing because we can set up shoe shops as soon as we arrive.

Let’s start with the fact that no one in the BJP is corrupt – well, even if they really are neck-deep in corruption no one is allowed to point it out even if they have incriminating documents in their possession. It’s like once you join the BJP, you have an Invincibility Cloak tenderly thrown over you. So, when External Affairs Minister Sushma Swaraj helped Lalit Modi, she only did it because her heart is as soft as butter in the scorching Delhi summer. When Rajasthan Chief Minister Vasundhara Raje did favours for Lalit Modi, it’s only because they’re good friends – the ancient Indians valued friendship, is what some nutcase Cabinet minister will probably say. As for the sinister Vyapam scam and multiple murders that blew up in Madhya Pradesh Chief Minister Shivraj Singh Chouhan’s case, the BJP believes that the less said about it, the better. None of these allegedly corrupt ministers was asked to resign. Union Home Minister Rajnath Singh had an apoplectic fit at the mere suggestion and roared, “Ministers don’t resign. This is not the UPA government, this is the NDA government.” So, yeah, all those who were dreaming of Ram Rajya when the BJP came to power, dream on. Currently, Union Finance Minister Arun Jaitley has the DDCA scam looming over his head, but why waste our breath on it – the BJP will brazen it out as always.

While on the subject of Jaitley, it’s astonishing that he believes that only BJP MPs are allowed to disrupt Parliament for months on end, create obstacles in the way of crucial legislation like the Land Acquisition Bill and GST when they are in the Opposition – they’re just being democratic, dude. When the BJP is in the government, however, no other party dare follow its precedent – they are instantly labelled anti-national, anti-development, anti-democracy and many other grand words beginning with anti. Hypocrite is a very kind word for him.

And now to the shining star in the BJP firmament: Narendra Modi. He is the only person in the nation who is allowed to badmouth Prime Ministers and leaders of other parties – he did it with impunity when he was a mere Chief Minister and the BJP lustily cheered him on. The things he said would make a sailor blush!

Now that Mr. Modi has become Prime Minister, though, nobody is allowed to utter a bad word against him or they will scream foul and self-righteously declare that the Prime Minister’s Office must be respected. Oh, the howls of rage on social media when Delhi’s Chief Minister called Mr. Modi a coward and a psychopath!

How do they get away with it: Well, it’s always useful to have friends in high places like, say, industrialists who own media companies. But I believe that what really works for them is superior lung power. When BJP spokespersons appear on television to defend their allegedly corrupt party members, they scream so loudly that window panes rattle and once, I promise you, glass shattered too. At the end of it all, you’re so worn out you don’t want to hear a word on the subject anymore. “Oh, shut up and let the alleged criminals go free,” you moan softly to yourself while popping an aspirin tablet.